I’ve read a paragraph that hit home regarding my frustrations about dreaming of Chris. 

“Fate wouldn’t be that damn cruel as to make her fall for her enemy only to bring her back to reality and say she imagined it all. What the hell was she supposed to do with all those feelings inside her heart? How was she supposed to forget about the way he touched her, kissed her, made love to her with his hands, mouth, and tongue? There was no brushing that under the rug, writing it off, getting over it like it was a twisted Alice in Wonderland trip, a figment of her imagination.” ~LL

Turns out, Fate is THAT cruel to me. God is playing with me with my dreams. Because this is exactly how I feel. But then I think, or is God making me pick my reality? Should I choose my dreams? Maybe that explains why I don’t feel like I belong here. I need to be somewhere else. I need to get away. Maybe I should really choose to end it all soon, because that’s the only reasonable explanation why this cruel joke is being played on me.